- Just when you think you’re not going to make it, they take an extra long nap.
- The cutest sounds during the day are the same noises that make you think they are dying at night.
- Red lights are the spawn of Satan. I never knew I had such road rage or was so apt to cursing.
- To be honest, nothing, NOTHING but baby has been on my radar. This includes dun dun dun… God. Trying to figure out how to work this out as a spiritual being, much less a pastor. Seems my previously favorite mantra of finding the holy in the ordinary will now be put to the test.
- That moment when someone officially gives you that sympathetic look and says “first time mom, huh?”
- The thing they don’t tell you is that even if the baby sleeps, you still probably don’t.
- Sometimes I wish I had a picture of my boobs from before, for old times’ sake.
- Totally unrelated but when will my phone quit autocorrecting “Lyle” to “Luke”?
- I am constantly texting my friends with things I call baby equations. “If she took a nap this morning, but then slept again all during lunch, how do I proceed in the afternoon?” Etc. etc. etc. (thank you wonderful friends and sisters who have gone before me. I couldn’t survive without your wisdom)
- Me: At what age does the 5 pm fussiness end?
Every mom ever: IT NEVER ENDS.
- That reminds me, can babies die from crying? Can their heads explode? I call my baby dream-baby cause she’s oh so sweet and mostly super chill, but when she puts her heart into it, I fear for her life.
- It’s like I really want a break, but I miss her when I’m not with her or even when I put her to sleep for the night! (I don’t miss her during naps, those glorious things; I’m not THAT crazy!)
- I need a sign for the car seat that says “If I don’t know you, do not reach in and touch this baby” and another for my front door that reads “RING THAT DOORBELL AND FACE CERTAIN DEATH”
- Sometimes I wonder how many kisses I’ve given her chunky cheeks by now. A million at least. A billion?
- If I had to describe being a mom in one word it would be “heart wrenching” because it’s so full of joy and pain, glory and fear. I love her so much more than I ever knew I could love, but I love her so much that it actually aches; it literally hurts! Not sure if this makes sense. Hoping it’s a mom thing.God I hope she likes me.