Waiting

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For the longest time, I lived like I was waiting. Every day I looked forward to the next best thing. There was always a trip or an event that I was counting down to, living in light of.

Ever since Cosy was born, this has mostly stopped. Maybe it’s because I don’t have a lot of trips or events going on these days. But maybe it’s what I suspect. Maybe I was waiting for her all this time. And having her doesn’t leave much room for anticipating or planning. Cosy is teaching me more than ever to surrender to the present moment. She is teaching me that everything I could ever need is right here, in the right now.

I don’t know exactly what I did to get to be her mom, but I am overwhelmed with gratitude. And while I don’t find myself praying as much as I ought to these days, I feel I understand more than ever about the grace of God. I have her even though I’m keenly aware I don’t deserve her.

And you know what? I don’t feel like I’m waiting for anything now. In fact, I have never felt more fulfilled or like life had more meaning than I do now, now that I’m her mama.

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